That morning he woke up alone, for the first time in three years. He didn’t even try to find her on the bed, still with his eyes closed, he knew she had left the apartment. In that moment, he felt an emptiness inside to which he just could not relate. He sat on the bed looking down, staring, trying to find the connections of the dots from the floor, searching for a clue of what he should do now or what he should have done the day before, or the entire year before, “was there any clue? Did she say something so I could fix it? What did I miss? What did I forget? I still believe she was my twin but I lost the ring, and other things”. The floor didn’t answer, why should it say anything? It was screaming the entire year and a half, but he didn’t have his feet on the ground.
He told himself he didn't care; pushed the window open wide. There is a new day ahead. “What day is it? And why isn't it Friday yet?”, then he saw all the ornaments “It is 4th already!? When did June end!? And most of all WHY?”. “Great- he thought – I have a free day today, just for myself… - silence- … -then he realized - … OH NO!”
The loneliness and desperation to fill that hole turned into hunger. A big... tasty... juicy.. killer hamburger would do the job, and fries, don’t forget the fries, EVER. With an enormous glass of coke. “It's 4th of July, no doubt, there is a place with a discount. I have a coupon in the car, I think it is inside the tools box.” So, for now, his day was changing, the sun was bright, really bright… the sun was burning the earth, having a hangover didn’t help him either.
When he found his car, he remembered why she always complained about how he always left everything rotten and old. That car had better moments, but really a long time ago. Also, he started questioning why he was using that leather jacket? He was sweating a lot. So, he searched the entire car for the tool box, but he couldn’t find it. What he DID find was the coupon, BUT, there is always a BUT. It was cut in half and in the top part it said “This box is mine”. He knew her handwriting so well, from the postals that she used to send him from everywhere she traveled. Then he thought about how well her flight attendant uniform looked on her and how she knew to take off so quickly. He knows, even, when she writes angrily, complaining about delayed flights or the passengers. When he saw the piece of paper again, that he couldn’t use anymore for the discount, he recognized that anger.
So, he started the car praying for it to work just fine, that was the most he could pray for that car, to work just fine, not perfect or smoothly as before, just fine. He thought about those two words for a while, “I need to be just fine, I have to be just fine, just…” the car is just broken with smoke all over the place, that’s not fine at all. When he started to convince himself about being fine, the car suddenly was a black cloud, the one which only brings storms and problems. So, he tried to park it and did it successfully, if you can use that word in this situation. When everyone saw this car turned into bad weather, many people ran away, a few remained in shock, no one was indifferent to the show, someone pulled a fire extinguisher but he stopped. He just wanted seat and watch how worse this could turn, just waiting for something to happen, “this isn't THAT bad, this isn't a fire-extinguisher-situation”, he thought about his relationship, he always did that, waiting for the smoke to disappear, no need to extreme movements or decisions. He opened the car hood, and just let the situation cool down and left it.
He needed to fix it because he was still far away from the hamburger of his dream, it didn't matter if he didn't have the coupon anymore, he...just...needed… to be there, and ask them to accept the ticket, to accept him, again, please. “Wow.. I'm going too deep now, I need to run off”. Then he saw the car again. “I need to fix this, I just need my tool box, and everything will be...”. Yes, that, remember? He went crazy looking in the car for something that he can use to fix it. “It doesn't take much, just a hook, or something like that '' When he took out the carpet of the front passenger floor, he saw a hair clip. It was the one she used the last time he took her to the airport. She was angry, he was late, as usual. “Wait, not like always, probably, last month, last year really” - he lied to himself. “...” He stared at the clip for a long time, holding it high, thinking in the past, more than on the solution. Everyone there saw it, some laughing, nudging each other, but there was a serious man with glasses, who at the beginning had curiosity about this desperate show, but now it got his full attention. He wanted to know how this guy could solve this stressing situation with just a hair clip. This serious man had a briefcase, a suit, short hair, and those big glasses, he was all business. To everyone on the scene, he looked like a man that had everything under control, but under his big brown eyebrows his eyes showed desperation. Today he had an ultimatum in the office, he needed to find a solution, a big one. Those eyes that are now back to reality staring at this crazy man repairing an obsolete machine, with a clip, and nothing else than pure determination. “Please, solve this problem, fix this car, save this car, save your soul, save … me” - The man with the glasses thought.
When he finished, only ten people left watching, everyone clapped and went their ways, the man with the glasses with a triumphant smile wrote something on a little notebook, took a glimpse of his watch and ran away, he was late.
Now, on his way to his hamburger, he was tired, but he proved himself that he can solve problems, and that hamburger will be his reward, even if it is really late in the afternoon, and this will be his only meal of the entire day. The coupon was burned out on the car, as the memory of her angriness. He felt lighter, he didn't forget her but he didn't feel her on his shoulder, complaining. Of course, he couldn't buy the hamburger he wanted, but with a few coins that he had on him, bought something in the middle of the menu, so he was moderately happy when he sat down with his meal. He was tired, so after eating he went directly to his house to take a well deserved shower and went to the bed again. The holiday was over for him, the fireworks caught him looking to the sky through his curtains and felt like she was watching the TV on mute in the room, but it didn't bother him this time. The breeze and the shower calmed him.
The next morning he didn't feel hungover, for the first time in a long time, he felt clean. The only thing that was bothering him was his fingers, tired from fixing the car, but nothing important. He thanked past himself for turning on the ceiling fan last night before sleep, he didn't remember doing that but it was a great idea. Slowly opened his eyes and sat in the bed, this time he was telling to the dots on the floor that it doesn't matter if they are not connected, nothing is connected, things just happen and you need to fix it and just go. At that moment, he heard a letter coming from behind the door, covering the dots of the floor. Then he realized that he woke up because he heard the knock at the door, “I was so asleep that i didn't know what was that noise?”
When he saw the logo on the envelope he didn't believe it, he knew that blue circle with the red rocket on the center, he saw it before on the news. It wasn't that heavy as the offer that was written inside. They wanted to meet him, for the achievement of yesterday. "Yesterday? But I just watched smoke coming out of my car, nothing else, probably they were impressed by how fast I ate that hamburger” He made him laugh at himself, for the first time in a month or two. “Two months?” He could remember the last time he did this. And the melancholy was starting to hit again but then he remembered the letter and read it again. The meeting was the very next day. “Should I wear a tie? Do I have a tie? That's for adults!” He didn't leave the house the entire day, he just forgot about the tie and the letter. In the same way as he let the smoke disappear from the car he let the smoke of the excitement for the meeting banish from his heart. “Just take a coffee, and watch the situation cool itself down.”- he thought watching the windows wondering if the stars and the dots of this floor are that different.
The day of the interview, an official car took him to the airport, he didn't have time to think about the floor nor in the shower. He was late, of course. The car waited 20 minutes for him. The driver's face wasn’t as angry as he thought it would be, she had time to smoke a cigarette outside the car, the first one of the day, so she was relieved that this random guy, she had to carry to the airport, was late. “At least he let me know that he was late, so I had time to relax” - Though the driver. The driver traveled with him on the airplane and drove him to the office, when they arrived. They didn't speak the entire trip. The driver looked really professional but kind enough to answer any question about the travel, but he didn't want to bother her. He was looking through the window all the time. The only time they tried to talk was on the plane, they were face to face. When the plane took off, it shook a bit, her hat fell down to her lap and something flew to the floor. When he went down to pick it up, he found out that it was a hair clip. He couldn't believe it, another one. He took it, and offered it to her. She wasn't looking, her eyes were lost on the window, watching the car in the parking lot. “Should I give it to her?” - he thought - “Should I insist on having her attention or speak to her? Should I keep it? Maybe I need it again. Is it creepy if I keep it? Is it ILLEGAL if I keep it? I'm stealing something from an official from the state?” - He started to panic- “It's been too long since I picked it up. If I give it to her now, she will ask what I was doing with it, should I insist? ” - He started to sweat, it felt like he was at a crime scene with a knife and the sirens were coming. He hid the clip in the front pocket of his blue jacket. “Why did I put it there? My hand passed just in front of her face, i should hide it in the right pocket” He thought about the word he used: HIDE. “I'm in trouble”. He pretended he was about to sleep, he just closed his eyes and tried to forget about this. Why couldn't he let this smoke disappear, to cool down?
When they arrived at the Nasa building, she went really close to him, face to face. He was surprised and scared. His muscles were solid rock suddenly. She grabbed his jacket’s front pocket firmely with one hand, pulled something from her pocket and pressed it on his chest. “She knows! I'm dead! Probably there is an order to kill someone who steals something from an oficial, or maybe she is a spy and that was her recording device.” She took the clip from his pocket and hooked his ID card with it, that she had on her pocket, raised one eyebrow, gave him a milimetrical smile and went back to her car. He saw her driving off to the sunset, and didn't know what to do.
So he just started walking to the door. In the hall of the building was a big desk with the receptionist, she cordially smiled at him and he awkwardly took out the letter from his bag. “Hi, yesterday... I received a letter from here… I … I have a meeting … it says... here''. He stood there waiting for everything to be just a long joke, and also couldn't figure out the hair of this nice, smily girl. It was really really dark, too much to be natural, with blondish imperceptible roots… “What IS this place?”
“Hi, Welcome to Nasa, they are waiting for you, just let me call my superior” She was lovely indeed, but she has an accent, a very very hidden accent inside of a fake local accent. He couldn't take his eyes out of hers. She stared at him too, he felt the electricity. Then a man with a boring suit and big glasses interrupted the silent conversation. He had a really big smile, but one can tell that he isn't used to smiling. “He even brought his own clip” - Said to her pointing to his pocket - “He is an action man, always ready. I like him”. He looked at the hair clip with his ID on his jacket, and turned completely red. He didn't dare to watch her reaction, but she giggled. “It seems he is perfect...” The last letters of that word sounded almost like convicts escaping from a highly guarded prison of her mouth. She didn't mean it in that way, but it was too late to correct it. The silence was broken for a short but a strong handshake and introduction. Then both men went away, walking through a long hall to an elevator. She kept looking at him, until he peeped over his shoulder to see her. She unnaturally turned her head to the other side. “Why didn't I just shut up?” - was her thought following him with the eyes all the way until the elevator. That was the last time she saw him…. until the following week, and then every day.
After a few months, you would want to know how he is doing? He is happy, they are secretly dating, because you can't have a relationship with coworkers, Nasa policy. He leaves hidden letters on her desk. She is fully blonde now and doesn't try to hide her accent. When she started to tell him about her childhood and her native country, she fell in love with it again and he fell in love with her. He encouraged her to enjoy her culture again, so they went to medieval fairs and beer parties. He is learning her language. The dots of his new floor occasionally show connections, in other moments the stars, but mostly her eyes. She never asked him why he had the hair clip on the car nor in the jacket. He, sometimes, and just sometimes, calls and goes out with the driver. She also dates her… often.
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